Apologies if I share too much here but over the last 25 years or so I’ve had what could be called a number of ‘adverse adult experiences’ that have led me to counselling sessions, antidepressants, time off work, poor sleep, low self-esteem and overwhelming fatigue. All this had to be navigated while ascending the career ladder in teaching, bringing up 3 (gorgeous) children and feeling very alone. Not surprisingly I burnt out as there is only so much a person can take!
I first dabbled in yoga 21 years ago and since then something about yoga kept calling me back. During my first classes I’d often end up in tears as the practice poked at my emotions but the following days after the class I was walking on air. The next time I started a practise (after a couple of years hiatus) I got caught up by the physical practice and left my emotions outside the room. I would push myself beyond where my body really wanted to go. With side-long glances, I would compare myself to other people and judge myself for not being able to bind my arms around my body or balance without wobbling. The latest phase of my journey put the two parts together and I have to thank a specific yoga teacher (who is still my yoga teacher today) who helped me see all the connections yoga has to offer. 21 years after my first class I learned that yoga means ‘to connect’ and the penny dropped.
I talk a lot about how yoga is for everyone. I do feel like it’s a bit of a mission of mine to get as many people trying yoga as possible because it has had such a profound impact on me physically and psychologically. I always feel better after practising yoga; my body is getting stronger and more flexible which in turn helps me feel better about myself. The yoga teachings, some of which I have shared with you in previous blogs, have helped me psychologically by encouraging me to reflect on my reactions and behaviours to events; ensuring my reactions serve me and others thoughtfully and kindly. I take nourishment from yoga during my day in small bites; breathing and stretching in my classroom for a couple of minutes between classes. Being part of a yoga community is uplifting and beautiful. I have learnt to accept uncomfortable situations that previously I would have seen me spinning around like a 'spinny' thing culminating with me collapsing into a crumpled heap of snot and tears.
Yoga has been a big part of my toolkit in my quest for more peace in life, to cope better with adversity, to feel healthier and happier. I would stress it’s part of a toolkit - grown-up children, a gorgeous partner, supportive siblings, good friends and HRT are components of the toolkit too. I am not ‘fixed’. Nothing will ‘fix’ me and that’s ok because I’ve got my toolkit. The following are not in my toolkit: antidepressants, dramatic dysregulations, negative thinking patterns, a judgmental ego and generally doing myself harm.
As a yoga student/teacher I want to debunk the myth that you can’t do yoga if you can’t touch your toes or bend your leg around your neck. All that is irrelevant and detracts from what yoga really is.
”Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured” ― B.K.S Iyengar
Love
Karen x
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